Why Quitting Photography Was The Best Thing I Ever Did
When I first got to uni at 18, I was completely obsessed with fashion photography. All I did in my spare time was think about photography, study photography, and take photographs. When I got onto the Fashion Photography course at Falmouth University, I was SO excited. I was eager to learn, a bit of a nerd, and ready to spend three years getting creative.
However, things didn't really go as planned. Sadly, my experience at uni was a mixed bag. I was in a very toxic and abusive relationship, and I didn't get along with my lecturer at all. I genuinely think the only thing that got me through my degree was the friends I made. By the end of my degree, I was completely burnt out, I didn't feel creative at all, and the last thing I felt like doing was taking any photos.
So I quit.
And then I felt a bit... lost. For such a long time, my identity had been "Olivia the Photographer." Suddenly, I didn't really want to be known as that. I felt embarrassed when ever people asked me what I was shooting, and I didn't know how to tell people that I didn't plan on pursuing photography anymore. Instead, I put all of my time and effort into Atlas Magazine, the online and print magazine that I had co-founded whilst during my degree. Atlas had become my new found passion. It was now all I wanted to spend my time on... so that's what I did.
And I ended up working on Atlas for two and a half years (whilst working part time jobs as well - don't think I was living the high life!!). I loved my time on Atlas, and the magazine really filled in the creative gap that I'd been lacking with photography. For a long time, it made me really happy.
And then one day, something changed. I was doing some research for the magazine, looking up photographers I wanted to interview for our next issue, when I stumbled on the blog of Emily Soto. I scrolled through, and honestly I must have spent two hours just looking and admiring her work. I felt a huge wave of inspiration come over me, and somewhere in the back of my head, a little voice was saying: "I want to do that."
And just like that, the inspiration, and the desire to shoot was back. It was almost instantaneous, and it felt incredible.
So what did I learn from all of this? And what does it mean for you?
Taking a break was the best thing I could have ever done: Of course, at the time, I thought that I was never going to shoot again. I, clearly, was being a bit over dramatic, but I also didn't realise that creative burnout was "a thing." I'd spent four years at uni trying to impress my lecturer, my friends, deal with my relationship, get good grades, tick all of the boxes, and then get a job... and I felt exhausted. I didn't hate photography, I just temporarily couldn't get creative with it. If I hadn't taken that break, and if I had continued to force myself to create, I'd have ended up hating this beautiful medium... possibly forever.
It does come back: I genuinely thought that my inspiration to shoot was gone forever. Doomed to be known as the "girl who quit." I was soooo wrong! Creative blocks do go away. You can heal from a burn out. Inspiration does return. You just have to let it.
Just because I quit didn't mean I never shot anything: Because of the degree I had studied, and I needed a job, I ended up getting a job at a small fashion brand local to me, and I was their photography coordinator. This job was, obviously, related 100% to photography, and I did occasionally take a few shots for the brand. However, I wasn't creating anything for myself, and I didn't have the urge to. All the images I took were purely for someone else... and that suited me quite well. I had a skill, I could use it for work, and then go home and not do anything at all. By not forcing myself to create anything for me, I really did let myself have the break that my creativity needed.
No one cares: I was so worried throughout this time that I was letting people down, or that people would judge me for not shooting anymore. In hindsight, literally no one cared. Everyone's so preoccupied with their own stuff that they're not worrying about what you are, or aren't doing.
What Can You Do If You Burn Out?
Take some time to relax. You don't need to "quit" like I did, but try and book a week or two off of shooting.
Find what truly inspires you. One of my biggest problems whilst at uni was trying to impress my lecturers by creating what I thought they wanted to see. I needed to do this to get the good grades, but at the same time, I wish I'd been more in tune with what I was inspired by. When I got back to shooting, I went back with the decision to shoot whatever I wanted to, and it was liberating.
Go exploring: I find that getting out into a new environment really helps me to feel inspired, but don't feel pressure to take any photos if you don't want to. Go somewhere you feel drawn to, like a forest, a park, or a museum... whatever it is. Change your environment.
Stop forcing yourself to test and create portfolio work: Sometimes the inspiration for our own creative projects just isn't there. If you've lost a bit of drive, just focus on doing the work that you NEED to do to pay the bills, and leave the rest behind, until you feel inspired to get back to it.
Talk about it: Tell your friends and family that you're feeling burnt out. Come and chat about it in the Facebook group. A problem shared it a problem halved.
